PENIS BREATH

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 03:00:21 GMT

my classes are full of CLOWNS.

the guy in the apartment above us takes WHORES. regularily.

work was great today because we listened to Nas' ILLMATIC and then a smiths hits ablum.

on my break at school I went to urban outfitters with sam and bought a SHAG RUG.

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 01:42:33 GMT

what a raw deal. I got paid today but CIBC has frozen all purchase related transactions until I get a new bank card, which won't be until monday. apparently there is a fraud alert on my account, like someone else is trying to access my funds (yeah dude, it's sam. I told him to take my bank card so he could buy me some fucking pop from the corner store).

in other news MY TALIA IS COMING BACK IN LESS THAN ONE WEEK AND I AM SO EXCITED!

in other other news the kitchen smells like trash. BUT! on sunday I am seeing OF MONTREAL for the third time in less than one year. maybe kevin barnes will sing to me again!

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 19:15:07 GMT

I am on a nostalgia induced music listening spree. I've created an itunes playlist entitled "90s lady chode rock" try and guess what's on it.

drole de chose

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 23:56:27 GMT

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet fallingbricks? I DON'T REMEMBER I was drinking a lot in 2004
2.~What would you do if you had never met boatdrinks? not screamed "NOUVELLE VAGUE" lots of times at mod night over the christmas holidays 2004
3.~What do you honestly think of cablin? she is so ljss hanson funk 1996 and it's rad
4.~Would or did scarfboys and twoheaded_boy go out? yeah, in my dreams last night.
5.~Have you ever liked lo__down? YEAH friendship crush style
6.~If twiggyinstereo died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? that the jackalope will live in my heart forever
7.~Would showsbear and antarctica_ make a good couple? naw
8.~Describe scootergal in 3 words: TEA, CORRIE, BRITPOP
9.~Do you think buttonthief is hot? cute as a button(thief)
10.~Would twiggyinstereo and ah_giant_spider make a lovely couple? over my dead body
11.~What do you think of when you see twoheaded_boy? beards and music
12.~Tell me something humiliating about antarctica_: ok!
13.~Do you know any of hjasper's family members? no!
14.~What's _boxcar_'s favorite color? booze
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is soldier_on? 10
16.~What would you do if margaritap just professed their undying love for you? get loaded and party with her
17.~What language does scarfboys speak? anglais
18.~Who is coldbeverages going out with? my mom
19.~Is martropolitan a boy or a girl? male
20.~Would beautifultree and margaritap make a good couple? most def
21.~Who do you think thismostamazing would be great with from this list?
22.~When was the last time you talked to buttonthief? when I ran into beth on parc outside the fruiterie
23.~What is lo__down's favorite band? booty bumpin hip hop jams. maybe some grime shit too?
24.~Does showsbear have any siblings? yeah, they're all skanks just like her. JUST PLAYIN
25.~Would you ever date hjasper? if I liked the ladies
26.~Would you ever date scootergal? if I liked the ladies
27.~Is thismostamazing single? not any more!
28.~What is _boxcar_'s last name? johnston. or is it johnson?
29.~What is beautifultree's middle name? presilla?
30~What is cablin's fantasy? shagging that guy from that band that I can't think of. and then having someone draw an anime version of it. hot
31.~Where does martropolitan live? esquimalt
32.~Would you make out with fallingbricks? if I wasn't engaged?
33.~Are boatdrinks and hjasper best friends? no, but they're pals
34.~Does scootergal like _boxcar_? they have never met
35.~How did you meet beautifultree? a drunken night at evolution probably
36.~Is buttonthief older than you? she is
37.~Is ah_giant_spider the sexiest person alive? YES!

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 00:55:55 GMT

the jamaican didn't come into work today, I'm worried! his son played coldplay. bring back marley!

my mother sent me a package containing my flute. let's form a folk jam band! I'M SERIOUS.

sam's bro is coming tomorrow. I have promised not to say "can I try your little hat on?", "should I grow some peyas?" or "want to wrap some tefilin?".

I JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 17:50:04 GMT

this one was relayed to me by a coworker. fact: the quebecois, as a population, refer to cleaning products in spray bottles (like windex) as "push-push". on the weekend someone asked the Jamaican (who only speaks English) to go buy some push-push to which he replied "Lady! you're asking me to give you a push-push?! no way lady, I can't be giving you no push-push!"

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 15:45:31 GMT

the need to log the statements made my one of my bosses had become necessary. for the sake of privacy (and a little racial zest), let's call him, The Jamaican. it's not that offensive. some things you need to know when reading these to yourself, he calls everyone "lady" and has a super thick accent.

"(slaps a rather large knife down on the counter in front of me) hey lady, cut yourself a mango!" at which point I do and tell him I don't like it "you don't like it? have a litchi".

after listening to the same Sade album for 4 hours, he comes up to the front are where I am stationed and says "who here is romantic?! why are we still listenin to this album! who likes this!" to which my coworker replied "your son put this one earlier this afternoon". then he went on a rant about his favourite musicians (bob marlet, ray charles, etc)

"I party every night! After work, I go out and party"

"(to a 20something male customer who shops at the store frequently) you have a girlfriend? when are you going to let me set you up? santa only comes in december but I'm here today!"

Jamaican: hey lady (to coworker), pass me a pen! (she passes him a pen with butterflies on it, he examines it, looks disgusted) "give me one of my pens!"
coworker: but that one's cute!
Jamaican: it's not cute, it's dirty (pronounced "dutty")

these may not have translated that well to the internet journal format, but you're welcome to please stop reading.

additionally, I just got paid for 6 days of work and somehow I have earned twice as much as I expected. this leads me to believe I am getting paid more per hour than I had imagined. I'm stoked for this weekend!

IKO!

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 07:14:56 GMT

kate, my mum says she saw you working at opus. what was she buying?

tonight I saw a skunk on my way home from the wolf parade show.

wallowing in self-pity

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 19:50:55 GMT

I'm really good at feeling bad for myself. if I was capable of being sympathetic as to others as much as I am to my self/own needs, I may be what is considered a "good person". but I'm not. instead, I will jump at the chance to act like a baby and whimper and writhe in pain when I am sick. right now I have pink eye and the flu and I can't quite decide which is making me most miserable. on my way to and from work I wept silently while listening to sufjan stevens because my life is so hard. you know, because I smell like BO because I accidentally put on sam's rilo kiley t-shirt instead of my own. because I lost the only earphones that ever fit in my ears. because I don't have money to buy tickets to shows right now. because our palm plant is dying. that kind of shit.*

anyway. here's a picture I made for you

*you know that's all me being facetious.

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 22:32:51 GMT

I'm taking a class at concordia in september called WORLD MUSIC. I'm pretty pumped. with all the afrobeat we listen to at work I feel like I already have a leg up. look forward to updates where I'm bitching about studying for my throat singing quiz.

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 08:53:26 GMT

(this requires all caps)

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THE CLASSICAL KIDS SERIES?! I know I'm not the only one. it's approximately 4:40am and sam and I are overcome with the desire to listen to Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery.

also: I don't know if this exists out west (and that's not eastern canada supremacy, I just haven't left montreal in 7 months so I have no idea) but here there exists something called VIDEOSELF. it's like a giant jukebox where you stick in your videoself card (which they make you put 20 bones on, but whatever) and then you can rent movies from this monster. at any hour of the day. for $1 (for six hours - but there's one around the corner from us so we all win). we of course had to get a piece of this futuristic pie because you know at some point I'm going to get drunk and overcome with the urge to watch soul plane. you can also anonymously rent adult films. there's actually one entitled "Sex With Young Girls 3". but I missed the first two installments so what's the point?

right now I want to:
- eat tofutti cuties
- go to sleep
- stop having chapped lips

oh! downside to videoself is you wind up renting movies you probably would never see. that's why at 3 we rented phantom of the opera and I'm so overtired I could cry.

today we finally did a huge clean up of the apartment and now it looks less like a trash-strewn squat and more like a relatively fancy apartment.

yawnin',
emily.

ONE LOVE/JAH

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 20:06:24 GMT

hi bros,

I managed to gain proper employment. I was so close to wading into the pool of telesales too! montrealais: I'm working at a fruiterie on mont-royal conviently located 2 minutes from my old apartment; inconviniently located 30 minutes from my new apartment! I'm kind of dreading busy days because I will undoubtably feel the wrath of the québecois, but hey. I realized today my French is 1000 times better than it was a year ago. mad self-props!

the downside is that one of the owners has a softspot for bob marley. it scares me because as I am ringing in mangoes and cherries, I find myself occaisionally swaying to the jah-loving beats.

sam has gone out, possibly to buy a skateboard. I have stayed home to nap and internet. I hope you buy one so I can live out my LORDS OF DOGTOWN fantasy.

and if you were interested, my wiggly tooth has gone back to being firmly inbedded in my gum. I'm relieved.

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:30:20 GMT

you are a lucky man/woman if you never experienced the heat and humidity of montreal in july. the only way to describe it is being wrapped in clingwrap and then getting peed on. it's also impossible to sleep! I am so wired! and I am gassy but that is unrelated to the heat. sorry for sharing.

this summer I am seeing more movies in theatres than ever in my life, most likely to escape the heat. sam and I saw lords of dogtown at the dollar cinema and now I want to take up skateboarding. after coming home from the movie sam and I stole our neighbors "fruit scoots" and tried to do tricks in the alley. other heat induced mischief included wrapping a lamp post in rose-printed giftwrap and then tried to run a piece of tape across the street to foil drivers.

but it's not all g-rated! today I drank 8 beers at the bottom of mount royal park and don't remember the majority of the night. at some point I signed up for a blockbuster membership. end of late fees, bitches!

we're also getting really quebecois in that we drink pepsi when it gets hot, and we throw trash out the window into the alley. and I'm talking large items like old mops, not just banana peels and prophylactic wrappers.

sweatin',
emily.

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 16:56:14 GMT

lots of things happening. seeing bad movies (props to tim burton for making me feel like I was being sodomized throughout charlie and the chocolate factory), going to fun shows (final fantasy, hidden cameras), tie-dyeing (mark my words, it's on the up and up. victoria should be seeing tie-dye in about a year given the rate at which that town cathces up).

I think I start work on tuesday. sam might start working in a bakery for two weeks and this means we would never see each other. sad, really.

am looking forward to school starting. am not looking forward to mixing with people who aren't my friends. stuck up, I know! but if I could, I would never leave outremont or mile end.

ALSO!. have any of you ever a)lost any of your 12-year molars or b)had a wiggly adult tooth?
I have a wiggly tooth and I'm afraid it will fall out and then all my teeth will start falling out! it's basically my worst nightmare coming true.

I've been listening to a lot a david cross this weeked and feeling twinges of catholic guilt for laughing so hard at scareligious jokes.

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 20:26:41 GMT

OH YEAH. I shouldn't rant on the internet when it's late and I'm drunk. oh well. uh sorry to everyone who emailed/left comments/called me to ensure I wasn't talking about them. weird.

sam and I are tie-dyeing today because that's what the unemployed do. I will post results but I think mine is going to be really rad.

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 06:04:21 GMT

SOME THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS:

contrary to what a certain ex-roomate of mine (not talia, so you do the math) is telling those close to me, neither sam or I have been arrested and we are not facing any criminal charges. these are vicious rumours and I would encourage people to stop talking about sam and myself.

actually, in light of other events a lot of people originating from the west coast are making me feel pretty nauseous right about now and I have lost 99% of my faith in humanity. shouts out to sam for keeping that 1% real.
disgusting, vile, drug-addled scum bags you (better, but probably don't) know who you are. please keep away.

oh and also yogi bera is obviously the funniest pitcher ever to play in the major league.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 21:09:17 GMT

what's with the quebecois and pepsi?

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 17:52:12 GMT

so. we are moving this week. within 5 days actually and I haven't really even considerd packing yet. I'm a little scared. we still haven't confirmed the mode of transporting our (mostly my) belongings to the new apartment. but these things will work out! yes!
considering I've only been living here for 10 months (+6 days), I have amassed an enormous collection of clothing and clutter all of which I will haphazardly toss into garbage bags and sort out once I'm moved.

sadly, I'm fairly sure we are losing our EASIEST! PHONENUMBER! EVER! in exchange for one that will probably include more than 3 didgits repeating in sequence.

in other adult contemporary news, after a long day of buying dishtowels and candles at ikea, sam and I were too tired/broke to go to the tussle show or kryzstof's birthday party and fell asleep watching a movie.

we saw xiu xiu earlier this week. I'm glad I saw them touring la foret, it gave me more appreciation for an album that I wasn't feeling so much and had nearly written off as self-indulgent. two dudes doing interprative dance was simultaneously the high and low points of the night. actually, it got worse when the shoeless dude on E snuck up on stage before the encore and hid behind the monitors until jamie stewart screamed at him.

but I digress.

my MOM! is going to be in montreal on july 6 I think. that's exciting. I haven't seen that broad in 6 months and won't be seeing her again for another 6 so we'll do lots of cold-chilling.

enough procrastination. I leave you with the roy of montreal:

OH! I completely forgot about st.jean baptiste day. in brief: went to green room then upstairs to the mile end cultural center and booty danced to dancehall mashed with 90s party anthems then made the mistake of crashing a party at the house of some theatre school students.

and by party I mean the crowd doubled in size when we (7 people) arrived. also by party I mean they were pumping the OC soundtrack and the unicorns like they were the freshest jams imaginable. I'm not trying to hate, but don't make me tell you how many years ago that is. embarassingly, I was really hosed and I think I was rude to the host/other party guests. HOWEVER! it wasn't completely undeserved as a)they were totally giving me and my friends the stink eye and b)their musical choices were downright insulting.

BYE!

deep sea diving suit

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 22:38:31 GMT

holy fucking shit. I am drinking rye and RC Cola while sam is off somewhere and before I meet up with emilie and talia (not the emily and talia you are thinking of) before xiu xiu. I am also looking at pictures of deep sea creature and basically losing my shit because these things are so fucked up/rad looking.

more!
http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=19383
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/abyss/life/bestiary.html

yesssssss!

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:46:17 GMT

I got fired today! this is such a huge relief!

xiu xiu tonight!

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:48:06 GMT

instead of doing something productive like washing the dishes or say... bathing, I'm going to write in an internet journal.

the best thing that happened today so far was when at work, stepping into the elevator the dude stepping out stopped and said "damn girl, that's a nice dress!". and not in a perverse way at all, more like "I acknowledge how awesomely you are dressed with your printed dress, multiple gold chains and oversized bag. now I will give you some props".

I've just come to the realization that my livejournal sometimes reads like that of someone whose I read simply because it's so boring and mundane that it makes me cringe and wants to cut my face off (an improvement! I know!).

in other news I won't be back until the winter holidays. and maybe I won't come back then either! maybe sam and I will be so wrapped up celebrating our jew-y/catholic hybrid holiday (not unlike Christmakah) that I will shun the west coast!
but that's totally a big maybe.

in other other news, I can't leave the contry for five years.

bye!

so three years ago! OR here's a flashback for you

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 19:44:11 GMT

third (or fourth?) day of rain in a row, although I haven't set foot outside yet so I might be wrong altogether.

either way, I can't be bothered to put pants on and I'm revisiting a mix that I made almost exactly three years ago to the date. I remember it well, it was a time when I had blonde hair, all my friends were quite a bit older than me and I would sneak into Hush on weekends (what?!), and I felt like no one understood me so I decided that in the fall I would move to Montreal.
apparently at this time I was really into wilco, the von bondies, moldy peaches and damien jurado. ah, youth!

the follow up to that summer is I did move to montreal, but only lasted 2 months because unlike my most recent venture, my parents weren't helping me financially. in the new year back in victoria I went as electroclash as I would ever get wearing a belt made out of cassettes and an assymetrical 'do (don't). I'm glad most of you didn't know me then. I started hanging out with kate and danielle and the rest of history.

oh and the first show I saw in victoria upon my return was les savy fav at thursday's. what stands out most in my memory is heidi and martin gyrating on the dancefloor.

I think I'll go mix a rye and gingerale and dance to 80s music atop a speaker to commemorate this unexpected jaunt down memory lane.

anyway, now I feel all creeped out thinking about the past so I'm off to do something fresh, like steal clothes. or do laundry.

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 22:23:09 GMT

I fell off the wagon but am back on again. I'm saying no to cigarettes as well. today I fought the urge to run out and buy cigs and a bottle a wine and party by myself.

wolf parade are playing a free show on saturday.

I gave sam a haircut and I thought he was going to leave me. but everything's ok!

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 02:00:00 GMT

here's an update for you: I've been sober for two days. I'm not even trying to be funny, the excessive drinking characteristic of pretty much everyone I know in/from victoria has/had taken something of a hold on me (I can see "ep is an alcoholic" rumors spreading like a northern quebec/bc interior [choose your regional, inappropriate joke] wildfire). whatever! at least I'm not in denial like all y'all ("all y'all" not meaning any one individual in particular, just in a general sense). digressions aside, financial restrictions and a curiosity to see how long I can dry out are putting a (bottle)cap (pun intended) on my drinking.

but like, tomorrow night is the first FringPop show and I would really like to watch mixel pixel play in a park while swilling a 40.

in other news: we are going to buy season's passes to La Ronde, Montreal's Six Flags amusement park. I'm stoked.

bye!

post scription: livejournal isn't letting me update this and I just burped the phrase "you're an asshole" at the computer to sam's delight.

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 03:19:31 GMT

this house is full of empty beer bottles and stolen polo shirts. my left ankle is swollen from an accident I have no memory of and my bum knee hurts as much as it did when I tore ligament 7 years ago. plus I owe my parents around 800 bones, but it's ok!

today it was brisk enough (20 degrees?) to dry my hair plus I didn't have to work.

sam just asked me if he looked like peter pan wearing a kelley green polo shirt. the answer is now (I just wanted to air that out in a public arena so he knows I was telling the truth).

now we are going to walk (I will limp) to the video store so we can rent Love Actually. we've becoming so adult contemporary. well, sort of.

BYE!